Now ask yourself: “What makes a good business idea?” Got it? Good God no, it’s not how to make a living as a writer by taking advantage the new and exciting self-publishing model. That particular undertaking is a New Years Resolution told to a fool with too much of the drink in them.
Your new business would most likely need a product that older people will buy, an offering that you can market with low cost advertising spent on the retro TV channels with a built in stream of new customers over time. The enterprise twill be akin to the folding Hurry Cane with dual headlights or burial insurance hawked by ageing TV stars, targeting the regretful Jeopardy contestants who never made that call in 1965 back when they still remembered all the answers to popular cultural trivia bits like the name of Lorne Greene’s horse on Bonanza or why Ward Cleaver was so hard on the Beaver.
What to push that the Kardashian enterprise hasn’t yet devised? Hurry, listen!
It’s ice, my friends. Ice. When you have fallen and can’t get up – ice. When you don’t remember why you take Viagra – Ice! When the kids are discussing “the home” and not for the dog – Ice! Rhymes with nice – Ice. Ice can solve all of that and more, my friends. Keep the house for the dog and money for the kids – with jobs for everyone! Ice. You got it now, shout it out – Ice!
The Eskimos understood ice, hell they have 27 names for snow. In those endless nights when the whale blubber ran out and the snow would not stop, the elders needed to go – out onto the ice. No fuss, no muss, no pain, only gain. To the ice take them. No need for Medicare, machines, court orders. Just a stroll or roll out on the ice. All problems solved while the rest wait for the spring with extra blubber.
We are now launching a Kickstarter campaign for “The Ice Palace.” Get in while the first round is still priced at rock bottom, before the big boys find out and charge for the spoils.
Here it is:
- A place for mom and/or dad with more dignity than the old folk’s home.
- A vacation for all in an elegant hotel complete with a caring sleigh ride for your ageing loved ones, choice of the one horse open sleigh for the family togetherness before the end, or an elegant two person sleigh on to the ice at only slightly higher cost for elder couples, either driven by a cheerful indigenous driver, with optional actual reindeer drawing the loving pair to their final rest.
- Optional touches include genuine fox and seal furs for the family while they cheer the elders on their way. These splendid pelts will be collected, tanned, and sewn by native employees, a means of keeping the “old ways” alive and providing good paying jobs to hard pressed traditional communities hit by climate change.
- A basic package will also be offered for the budget minded. It will include ground level accommodations with exterior doors so the family may send off the elders in their own special way at their convenience.
- All arrangements provide elimination of excessive funeral costs and expensive land purchases like those accompanying traditional cemetery internment practices. Earth friendly, all natural remains disposal will be accomplished by bears and wolves that will return the loved ones to the circle of life in the most traditional and time honored way possible.
*Check with Medicare or your insurance carrier to see if they allow the Ice Place treatment. Carriers have been very enthusiastic by the prospectus and may already have approved Ice Palace plans for their older customers.
The Ice Palace business plan takes advantage of current advancements in medical care that are extending life spans and creating a robust growth in the population of elders. These oldsters are consuming family resources at an accelerating pace that may leave little for the children. In this regard it has built in market expansion and an automatic customer recruitment feature in those children who can purchase their own “lay away” plans.
An investment incentive is offered to early investors who are seeking to supplement their retirement income. They will be eligible for discounts on their own Ice Palace packages so as to not burden their children with outdated and burdensome funeral expenses.
The Ice Palace business prospect is a win-win for everyone! Children, insurance carriers, the government (Medicare/Medicade), Investors, indigenous peoples – and most of all, our aging loved ones will benefit.
Hurry, invest now while you have the chance. This offer ends soon.